Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
