Come see our sink grown plant.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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