Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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