All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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