we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
