I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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