I think my fart just growled at me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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