her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
