If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
