i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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