Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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