my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
