I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
