I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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