You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
