Sacagawea was the original milf.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
