haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
