I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
