There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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