matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
