I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
