She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
