I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
