I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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