My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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