grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
