He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
