There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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