god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
