i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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