genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
