how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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