But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
