i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
