I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
