dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
