What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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