I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
