So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
