do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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