just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
