What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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