They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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