Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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