Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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