I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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