shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
