things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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