I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
