I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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