I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
