Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
