There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
