Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
