I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
