I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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