i already hear my dad disowning me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
