i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
