Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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