My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
