I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
