grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
