you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
ok first of all what the fuck
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
