my mouth tastes like poor choices
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This house was built for laser tag.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
