hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
