I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize