mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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