Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
