so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
