He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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