we're blogging at a bar
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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